Wednesday, 8 November 2017

The Death Of Stalin

A phenomenal cast trading superb insults as they farcically recreate hideously bleak bulletpoints from a part of history i'm ashamed to admit i'm unfamiliar with.

The Killing Of A Sacred Deer

An old school curse rendered all the more chilling by stilted dialogue, the director's obsession with the physiology of aging and the characters eventual blank acceptance of their fate.

Tuesday, 31 October 2017


This Halloween I watched...
Actually I'm not sure what the fuck I just watched, though i'm pretty certain everybody ended up in some Turkish vision of Hell, it was extremely fucked up. I definitely enjoyed it.

Saturday, 28 October 2017

Thor: Ragnarok [IMAX 3D]

A continued demonstration that Marvel's cosmic weirdness side is definitely where it's at as the action is wisely moved far away from earth and the absurd pomposity of indestructible protagonists is neatly skewered on lashings of rich humour and bright primary colours.

Thursday, 26 October 2017

Happy Death Day

Treats its audience as less intelligent than its blunderingly stupid protagonists, refuses to explain its central conceit and ends with a reference so smug and self serving that it just made me want to piss in the mouth of everybody involved whilst screaming 'THIS IS WHAT WATCHING YOUR FILM FEELS LIKE.'

Monday, 23 October 2017

Creep 2

Couldn't possibly have the power and the impact of the first film so instead concentrates on being a truly excellent sequel that knowingly subverts the first film. Superb.

Monday, 16 October 2017

The Endless

Ironically lets itself down a little bit by actually having an end, but there's so much cool shit already happened by that point that it's easy to forgive.

Bad Genius

Always grounded, yet always dynamic in its telling of students cheating on exams and the phenomenal amount of tension it wrings out of the whole affair.

I Am Not A Witch

Not really my bag but nonetheless an intriguing look into the culture of Zambia. Unfortunately my knowledge of Zambia meant that as I was watching some of the more crazy events unfold I couldn't tell if they were based on real crazy or made up for the film crazy. Maybe that was the point.

Ghost Stories

Faithful adaptation of an already very excellent stage play.

Sunday, 15 October 2017

You Were Never Really Here

I came for the Greenwood score which did not disappoint and left having watched a subtle noir inversion centred around a man cathartically doing bad things to bad people.


Uses tiny people to say fuck the bigger picture.

Quality Time

Started as a quirky exploration of male failure to grow up. Ended as a searing indictment on my life in my 30s.

Sunday, 8 October 2017

Bladerunner 2049 [IMAX 3D]

Stays true to the original by being visually staggering but breaks away from the original by having depth.

Saturday, 7 October 2017

The Night Evelyn Came Out Of The Grave [La notte che Evelyn us cì dalla tomba/ The Night She Arose from the Tomb]

Manages to cram in an escape from a mental hospital, medieval torture chambers, a lot of topless redheads, a seance, mysterious murders, murders with no mystery at all, grave robbing, a number of complex affairs, fake licence plates, corpse eating foxes, loads of softcore fumbling about, the undead, a swimming pool filled with sulphuric acid, a spooky painting, a paraplegic who can walk, strippers, hallucinations, champagne, murder by snake, doublecrossing, double-doublecrossing, double-double-double crossing and so much nudity that it actually becomes quite distracting.
And if you're wondering how all that hangs together as a story, it doesn't.

Friday, 6 October 2017

Gerald's Game

A faithful adaptation with some excellent direction, fantastic dog acting and the giant from Twin Peaks, putting this toward the top end of Stephen King movies.

Thursday, 5 October 2017

I Am Not A Serial Killer

Deliberately slow paced mumbling that tends to quietly freak out every time it approaches tedium.

Wednesday, 4 October 2017


Four short films by female directors that cover Ketchum, corpse concealment, demonic possession and the Antichrist, arranged in order from excellent down to pretty good and all glued together by weird stop motion animation.

Tuesday, 3 October 2017

Don't Knock Twice

I struggled to get past the redundancy of the word 'Twice' in the title if I'm honest. It was certainly made clear why two knocks summoned the unstoppable supernatural evil, but at no point was there offered a plausible scenario whereby you'd be required to goad the unstoppable supernatural evil by just knocking once.
Missed exposition toward the end that may have made this less shit, but i was busy googling to see if there's already a film called Don't Knock. There isn't.

Monday, 2 October 2017

The Autopsy Of Jane Doe

Reminiscent of eighties movies where folk would be stuck in one location as everything around them gets weirder and weirder, only centred around a refreshing father/son relationship that's high on sensible, logical reaction and low on 'dad issues'.

Sunday, 1 October 2017

February [The Blackcoat's Daughter]

Inexplicably fumbles its twist out in to plain view about half way through the movie leaving it desperately clinging to slow creepy atmospherics until the end.

Saturday, 30 September 2017

Kingsman: The Golden Circle

Some phenomenal, carefully shot action choreography makes for light frothy enjoyment whilst you're watching but a few hours later it all simmers down to an unlikeable morass of unecessary characters, confused drug ethics and callous laddish crassness.

Wednesday, 20 September 2017


Very pleased to be able to visit the rural multiplex and watch a highly allegorical tale of religion, creation, abusive relationships, the environment and humanity being dicks. Not chuffed with Aronofsky's rampant ego or his heavy handed symbolism. On a par with The Fountain.

Monday, 11 September 2017


Too many characters, too many jump scares and not enough depth, but enough cool moments to let that kind of thing go because it's, y'know, for kids.

Saturday, 9 September 2017

American Made

Hollowed out Scorcese. Fun but ultimately empty with an ending that makes you think 'oh good, it ended.'

Thursday, 7 September 2017

The Hitman's Bodyguard

Too flippant to be a decent action movie and too violent to be a decent comedy.

Logan Lucky

I know that sitting down for ninety minutes, staring at a glowing rectangle requires very little effort on my part but this is by far the most effortless movie viewing I've ever put myself through.

Tuesday, 29 August 2017

Tragedy Girls

(Frightfest Day 5)
The American high school slasher fully updated for our modern times, doing away with the usual played out whodunnit plot and instead presenting a pair of murderesses concerned with boosting their social media presence, the upcoming prom and dismemberment. Likeable.

Monday, 28 August 2017

The Terror Of Hallow's Eve

(Frightfest Day 5)
Yo, the eighties called. They want their movie back.

Top Knot Detective

(Frightfest Day 5)
Loving homage to crazed Japanese TV via a mockumentary that is as hilarious as it is balls out insane.


(Frightfest Day 5)
Strong echoes of Pulp Fiction as various tales of underhand activities and moral free decision making neatly entwine. What sets this apart is the level of compassion that comes from the most unexpected of characters. Very well played.


(Frightfest Day 5)
Gorgeous forest location used as a canvas for an excellent psychodrama that never lays things on too thick and delightfully flips the twist that you're expecting.

The Villainess [Ak-Nyeo]

(Frightfest Day 4)
A typically lengthy South Korean vengeance tale peppered with some breathtaking fight choreography in symbiosis with breathtaking camera work/editing.

Sunday, 27 August 2017


(Frightfest Day 4)
And in one fell swoop Office Space loses its top spot as most cathartic workplace revenge movie. Superb.


(Frightfest Day 4)
Elizabeth Bathory via Nicholas Winding Refn.

The End? [In un giorno la fine]

(Frightfest Day 4)
Just as you're asking yourself if there's anything new to be said with zombie cinema? Along comes this with a firm resounding 'no, not really.'

Killing Ground

(Frightfest Day 4)
A couple in terror movie that does everything you'd expect only told with twisted timelines and directed with an assured maturity that you maybe wouldn't expect from this kind of thing.

Death Laid An Egg [La morte ha fatto l'uovo/ A Curious Way to Love/ Plucked]

(Frightfest Day 3)
Quasi-giallo about how complex the economics of chicken farming are when you also have to juggle a wife, a mistress, a long lost amnesiac friend and a slew of tied up prostitutes. There's also a genetically modifed food subplot that gets a bit Cronenberg. And a room of truth.
Batshit crazy.

Victor Crowley

(Frightfest Day 3)
An array of extreme gunk spouting prosphetics and some beautifully crude humour, at their best when they're happening at the same time. The best Hatchet sequel. So far.

Saturday, 26 August 2017

Attack Of The Adult Babies

(Frightfest Day 3)
Laughed so hard at the fucking weirdest shit.


(Frightfest Day 3)
A clever drama about de-programming a cult member that throws clever out of the window from the off by casting Stephen Dorff as the clever character. Drama goes out the same window a half hour later when eighty massive cultists rock up and everything gets a bit Assault On Precinct 13 to preoccupy you whilst you wait for everybody to die.

Boots On The Ground

(Frightfest Day 3)
Filmed entirely with head mounted cameras creating maximum geographical confusion alongside a total inability to tell characters apart. Having a twist that puts forward the suggestion that everything was meant to be a confusing mess doesn't then make this ok.

The Bar [El bar]

(Frightfest Day 3)
Siege situation that allows de la Iglesia's attention to character and irreverent humour to shine brightly.

Dead Shack

(Frightfest Day 2)
Sweary Joe Dante.

Friday, 25 August 2017


(Frightfest Day 2)
Starts like Natural Born Killers vs Nekromantik and ends with Stephen Dorff chewing both the scenery and a chainsaw. So quite enjoyed it.

Our Evil [Mal Nosso]

(Frightfest Day 2)
A lot of familiar pieces assembled in a most enjoyably unfamiliar way, capped off with a fantastic soggy devil.


(Frightfest Day 2)
Asks me to be critical about my desire to view screen violence, abuse and the darkness contained within all humanity. It does it effectively as well, but unfortunately seven films into a horror film festival is the wrong time to ask me to give a fuck about why i'm watching so much nasty shit.

Sequence Break

(Frightfest Day 2)
Man uses complicated time loop to give himself a bit of a kick up the arse and get on with life.

The Glass Coffin [El ataúd de cristal]

(Frightfest Day 2)
Woman imprisoned in limousine has a lengthy conversation with a red light that has made some poor life choices but is unable to apportion blame to the self. The red light is also unable to recognise that their life choices can't have been that bad if they're now able to scrape together the considerable level of money and resources required for such elaborate misplaced revenge.


(Frightfest Day 1)
Would benefit from having a story. And some competent camera work. And from not being shit.

Thursday, 24 August 2017

Death Note [2017 Remake]

(Frightfest Day 1)
The first act effectively streamlines the ludicrously complex storyline of the original film, the second act muddles all the characters and the third act shits the bed. But with style.